Maybe I have Bi-Polar disorder, or maybe it is normal to feel so empowered and in charge one day and feel so friggin helpless another. Coming off of a post touting how far I have come and how wonderful the world can be. Now I sit down to write about how shitty it is that I have no control over my life.
I know that religious people say that accepting your lack of control sets you free. I just feel like accepting that would be the end of me. (Funny, that ever rhymes.) I work so hard to find ways to assert control over my environment. Isn't this blog an outlet of that? This gives me a spot to get on and type what is going on in my life. Once I am done writing I feel better. Is it because I have managed to expunge all the emotion or is it because I feel more power over my situation. At this point I am rambling and not successfully expressing what I intended. Well, I know what I mean and that's what's most important.
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3 comments:
It is shitty, very shitty. For both of us. I hope that it takes a turn for the better very soon. ((hugs))
you notice that at the high times all the lows don't seem to matter and you can handle anything? Then at the low times you'd trade anything to make them never return.
A lack of control doesn't set me free, it just humbles me. At the high times I feel free. Or is it a high time because I feel free?
Good point Tim...I'll have to think about that one
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