This Friday is our very first Frozen Embryo Transfer. I know I should be excited and thinking positively, but that is the hardest thing to do. After one failed IVF you enter into this process very differently. I think to myself how in the hell could this possibly work. I guess after years of trying and never being pregnant you start to lose hope that you ever will get pregnant. You start to lose hope in miracles, in prayer, in karma and in hope itself. It is a very sad process because it changes you in so many ways. Some are good, but some feel so horrible. I feel as if I have gone from a very cheerful, happy-go-lucky person to a very cynical one. I know that things will settle back to normal once we get pregnant (if it ever happens), but some days I am not sure who is looking back at me in the mirror.
Now that being said I feel like I need to place a disclaimer on my blog. Some thing like: "The following information is not meant to convey that the author is a cynical, pessimistic, whiney, pain in the ass. Most days I am a nice, calm, fun to be around person. This is just my place to piss and moan, where I don't feel guilty for doing it."
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2 comments:
I'm not going to blow smoke up your bum. We all have days that unfortunately we're not at our best. We're human after all.
I hope you find your hope again... I also hope that the FET goes smoothly and that in 9 months you'll have what your heart desires.
I think many people who read your blog (and anyone else's) understand that it's a place to vent your frustrations and feelings. For many of us, we use it as an outlet for the emotions we can't always portray to those in our lives.
I know that you're not cynical, pessimistic and whiney. A pain in the ass, perhaps. ;)
But I also know that at some point things will settle back to normal and you will get pregnancy. I just wish that I knew exactly when that would happen.
((hugs))
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