A Message from the management

A friend sent this a while back and I thought it was hysterical:

Team,

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course

of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
Accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, we are providing a list of 18 new and innovative "TRY
SAYING"

phrases so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue
in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?

INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:
Why the h___ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:
Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources