That dreaded appointment

I thought, for those of you who have been following, that I would give you a rundown of what happened on Wednesday. I was very nervous going into the appointment. I was afraid that we might not hear the heartbeat or if we did that the pregnancy would have turned into a complete cornual pregnancy. We got to the office, I had my blood drawn and then sat to wait for the ultrasound tech. One of the techs that I have barely ever seen and wasn't crazy about finally called us back about ten minutes later.

We went in. I assumed the position (legs in stirrups) and she started the u/s. We immediately saw the yolk sac. It looked much further progressed than the week before. It was now a beautiful, complete circle of white surrounding a black circle. I held my breath waiting for the heartbeat. The tech said that there was a "beautiful yolk sac" and that "everything looked great". She said that I was progressing well. She said there was no fetal pole, YET. So at this point I am totally confused, knowing there should be a pole and a heartbeat. She said not to worry that as long as we measured within 2 weeks (which we did) that it would be fine.

We went back to the waiting room to see the pregnancy nurse to go over everything. At that point the power went out so we ended up waiting 45 minutes. Finally, Doctor Not-so-nice from the previous week calls us. As soon as I saw that it was a doc and not a nurse I was concerned. We sat down in the office and she told us it didn't look good. She explained it was a blighted ovum and did a brief explanation of what that meant. Of course, I knew what it was but couldn't speak. I just looked at Bry to make sure he knew what she was saying. I tried so hard to hold back the flood of tears but couldn't. I got myself together and the next five minutes was a blur. She sent us on our way (and she was much more considerate this week than last). I made a pit stop in the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. I just about ran through the waiting room and made it to the car.

The rest of the day is a crying filled blur. We both cried. We called our mothers and they cried. They shared the news with the rest of the family. I tried to sleep that afternoon, but when I woke up I just started to cry. It was like realizing the whole thing all over again. I went between sick to sad to numb. I am still in the midst of these emotional shifts.

So, that's how it happened. I had a fleeting moment where I thought everything might just be ok. I knew better, but wanted to hold on to that hope.