So I have never read that book The Secret but I believe the general principle to be that you put out into the universe what you need... or something like that. Well, I have always believed that we do have the ability to see things coming and to know foreshadowing when we see it. Ok, ok I will stop beating around the proverbial bush and get to the point.
After my post last night about still feeling like an infertile woman deep down inside the most ironic thing happened... and don't hate me for what I am about to say. Not an hour after I typed my post I got a phone call from a good friend of mine who lives in my complex. She had a baby a month before my girls and we have gotten to be fast friends. I knew she wanted a big family but I didn't realize how quickly. She called to tell me that she is pregnant. She apologized for not telling me in person but I was so thankful she called. My gut reaction felt exactly the way it used to when I heard someone was pregnant and I was still not. I had this pang of emotion like "why the hell can everyone else get pg and not me." I know that I have no right to complain and I don't mean to sound bitchy. I am thrilled for her and her husband; they are wonderful people. I also am thrilled with my own life and am beyond happy with my family. That being said I still felt that old feeling of the pain of infertility. Why do other women get it so easy? Why does she not have to worry about miscarriage like some of us? Why does it have to be so hard for some women? How fair is it that some women will never be able to bear their own children but others can have child after child after child with no problem?
It amazes me how much infertility takes for a person. I guess we also gain some things but I think we infertiles get the business end of the deal. I hope I don't sound whiney since I am sitting here the mother of two I just felt like I needed to get it out so I can just be happy for my friend and not feel underlying resentment.
ON A HAPPIER NOTE:
Tomorrow Bry and I will be leaving the babies overnight with my parents. They got us a hotel room in Atlantic City so we can get some "us" time and some much needed sleep. I hate to leave them but we both need a break!
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4 comments:
That feeling still hits me! I still feel like I have to *pretend* to be excited. Having lost Reagan, it makes it 10x worse too. Horrible, but it's just amazing what IF does to you!
Again, you don't know me but we share a lot of the same happenings. We tried and tried, and I would also get...excuse me...P...d off when I heard of someone getting pregnant for the umpteenth time and we were still trying. Having been on fertility, almost wanting to kill my husband, hating all pregnant people, having a tubal and having the doctor come in before they take me off to surgery only to hear him say, "See, you can get pregnant" as if having a tubal was something to jump up and down about. Eight months later, I had a miscarriage and was beginning to think we just weren't meant to have any children. Things happen for a reason was a saying I hated to hear and to this day, I still hate it. Yes, we too have two beautiful children and I still wonder what if.... Blessings to you in the new year. Peace and happiness to you and your family. Colleen
Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . Um abraço.
Infertility will always be a big part of who we are. It unfortunately will never go away. Some of the heartache may be healed with our beautiful daughters but it can never be taken away.
Don't beat yourself up. I think that what you're feeling is completely normal. When the time comes that you decide to go for baby #3, you'll be faced with many of the same challenges as you faced in 2004, 2005 and 2006. You shouldn't be expected to just put all of those feelings behind you.
Sorry if this is disjointed. Cold medicine and lack of sleep is taking its toll.
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