Where I come from

Some of you may not be following but one of previous posts (I bet you can guess which one if you really try) has created some controversy. I intended to provide people with a piece of legislature that I was unaware of until someone sent it to me but instead I have been all but attacked for my personal views, religious affiliations, weakness and lack of opinion. I am sure the commenters would disagree with the word attack but that's what it feels like.

So here is where I am coming from. For almost two years I worked as a counselor for inmates in two of Philadelphia's prisons. All were drug addicts, all were incarcerated for more than two years, all had a dual diagnosis of PTSD as a result of a rape or sexual assault. About 75% of these women were incarcerated for prostitution. I would venture to guess (I don't have my old records so I am basing this off of memory) that about 80% of those women had had abortions. Some as a result of a rape, some a pregnancy from a "client" and some other situations. And EVERY ONE of those women told me (unsolicited) that they gravely regret their decision. I was not permitted by law to push ask for an opinion or follow up about an abortion. It was my job to collect data on their history, which is the only reason I ever asked. So every one of these women brought up this issue on their own. I watched as one of my clients lay on the floor and sobbed for the children she had not brought to life. I saw how much this decision had impacted so many of them. I could not cry with them or tell them it would be okay. I had to sit like a stone wall and do my job. I know it sounds selfish since it was their pain but that burden will be with me forever.

I also had the unfortunate responsibility of going to the hospital to meet woman who had just been raped. I spent hours and hours talking to family, clergy and myself about how to approach our practice of recommending the "morning after pill". Instead of just omitting that information I would have a nurse do what I could not morally do. I sat with an 11 year-old, her mother and her aunt... all had been raped. The little girl had been raped that day while the older generations had years before. The mother of the little girl was a product of her mothers rape. Neither regretted it and neither would have changed it. I cannot express how difficult it was to sit there and watch women (who had been raped only minutes or hours before) make a decision about a life that could have been conceived. I did not counselor one way or the other but I sat and watched their agony.

I know a woman who was told that if she continued her pregnancy she and her child would die. Both are alive. I know a woman who was "ordered" by their doctors to reduce a multiple pregnancy only to lose all of her babies.

I stood by and supported both of my sisters through pregnancies out of wed-lock. One a straight "A" high school student and the other who continues to struggle with pervasive mental illness. You can guess what both of their doctors recommended.

I met a woman at the IVF clinic I went to who had had an abortion for medical reasons (I don't know the specifics we were just talking in the waiting room when she started to spill her guts) and because of it could not have children. I know that is rare but obviously it happens.

I am a mother who was called irresponsible for not "terminating" her child because of her likely outcome. I sat and had to look doctor after doctor in the eye as they told me "reducing" Abby would be the "best option" for everyone, even after we told them abortion was NOT an option.

So I don't base my decision on abortion based on statistics, facts, my churches beliefs or what my family taught me. I formed my opinions out of my own personal experiences. My decision stems from the pain I have seen in women's eyes when they talk about the baby they could have had. I formed my decision as I have lived and experienced. Many of you talk about your opinions on abortion but have not sat along someone who is going through the experience. I don't sit and act as if anyone who has had an abortion is going to hell. I just don't believe it is our right to make a decision about life or death. You can argue that life has not begun but when I saw my daughters hearts beating on that monitor they were alive.

So go ahead and call me weak or uninteresting or on my soapbox. That is your right. I never meant this to turn into a huge controversy. Perhaps controversy is good. Maybe I can open someone's eyes... I doubt it but maybe.

So, anyway, comment away.