"The worlds a roller coaster and I am not strapped in." Incubus
Man did they hit the nail on the head. My day started with me just about hating my sister. Then as I drove to meet my niece, after all I am mad at my sister not the baby, I felt this sense that maybe it might be okay. Maybe things would turn out alright. I met Tianna (she named her after the A-hole after all) and she was perfect. A perfection combination of chunky but tiny. She smelled perfect. She felt perfect as I held her. It was nice. My sister and I talked. She said the right things. My roller coaster was climbing the hill steadily. I left feeling like maybe she could make it work. She would rely on her family and with help she would get through (stupid, stupid, stupid!).
Then my coaster car hit the top of the hill and it screamed toward the ground. My sister called my Mom. Things weren't good they just LOOKED good on the surface. It was all pretend. She doesn't want help she just wants to please this A-hole. She isn't "allowed" to have my Mom take her home from the hospital. He is working for the next four nights but she isn't "allowed" to stay at my Moms for help. She wants to give the baby a pacifier (to reduce the SIDS risk) but he "won't have that" so no paci. So in other words pleasing him is more important than her child's potential safety. Basically he doesn't want my family to "influence" Katy or the baby and she is okay with that.
This roller coaster is making me feel sick and dizzy. I want off.
Just because my sister is a mess doesn't mean this baby is any less beautiful. 
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3 comments:
Just a little something to help lift your spirits... Tianna is the name of the Princess in The Princess and The Frog and she turned out wonderfully! Maybe when you think of your little Tianna you can think of her as a little princess (who can grow up to do all kinds of wonderful things) instead of the loser she's named after?
I know it's hard hanging in there for your sister but I think you're doing a great job and her kids are so lucky to have an awesome aunt like you!
Beautiful baby. It is hard to read these posts. I hope that you can find a place where you are able to release this feeling that you need to save your sister's baby. It is a blessing that she has allowed you to maintain some control over the lives of her other children and an ongoing shame that she chooses to perpetuate life in lieu of doing right by the lives she has already created. It is a privilege, not a right, to have such involvement in the lives pf one's nieces and nephews, as you do. Conversely, it is a privileged for your sister to be receiving so much help in raising her own children. Hopefully you can both agree on that and move on.
best of luck.
Thanks guys. I am so grateful I have a place to let all these feelings out freely. I definitely need a sounding board.
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