Blog Challenge - Day 18

Day 18-Something you regret

I am not one for having a ton of regrets. You can live life full of them but I feel like they do nothing but tie us to the parts of our past that weigh upon us. Being that I am only human I do have a couple. I have a few stupid little ones but there is one regret that I know is irrational but will live with me forever. It's a tough topic for me.

I regret that I didn't "fight" harder for our triplet. I know that there is nothing I could have done different physically. I get that. But I feel like it was such a huge shock that I didn't know how to feel. I also was told from day one that Baby C was small and had a slower heart rate than A and B. When I look back I feel like they told me that baby wouldn't make it and I accepted it. What the hell was wrong with me. Why did I not fight, beg God, limit all of my activity??? Why didn't I fight? I always fight... I consider myself a scrapper. I don't just accept things for face value. Why this? Something so important. My child. My daughters triplet brother or sister.

I am a rational person and I know that I couldn't have changed what was meant to be. I just wish, that when I look back, I could feel like I begged, pleaded, bartered and borrowed for my baby. But I didn't. I will regret that for the rest of my life.