On a recent post an anonymous commenter posted something that got me thinking. She (I assume she is a she ;D) was responding to my thoughts on keeping the girls together. She said "Our society is so "independent" obsessed...it's like we're afraid to admit that humans need each other." I couldn't have said it any better myself.
As a Mom of twins I come across many people who tell me how much they wished they had twins. What I don't experience much are the people like myself who wish they HAD A TWIN. As a mom of twins I get to watch the most incredible bond imaginable. Two souls who have been together since the very first moment of their existence. Two souls who can barely tolerate being apart. Two souls who are so diametrically different but so much the same. It is miraculous.
When it comes to school and other social encounters we get a good deal of flack about keeping our girls together. We hear all the time how keeping them together will "hold them back" or "keep them from forming their own identity". Well, the joke is on them. First, being together pushes them forward every minute of every day. They challenge each other in ways that I never could. Second, I have not yet met a twin pair that was not completely different. My girls are like night and day. They are nothing alike in personality... NOTHING. That is what makes them spectacular.
So, back to my anonymous poster... why is it that we are so obsessed with being "independent" and "different"? Why is depending upon someone other than ourselves so wrong? Why is it so awful that for one more year I want my daughters to be able to look across their classroom and see someone who makes them feel like all is right with the world? Wouldn't we all be better if we had that?
Imagine this; your worst day at work or school or wherever. You did something terribly wrong. You look around the room and instead of seeing a room full of people who don't want to get involves, you spot your soul mate. You spot the one person who has ALWAYS been there. You don't need to say a single word, all you need is a look. And in that look you know that everything i alright. Everything is going to be fine. Would we not all be better if this was our existence???
So if I got to change one thing about my existence I think the next time around I want a twin sister... and I want our mother to keep us together. :D
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5 comments:
I couldn't agree more. :) I am an identical twin and am so grateful for it. You nailed it! And FWIW, we were kept together for much of our education (some out of necessity--there was only one class) and even attended the same college (didn't room together). We did have some separation issues later in life (for example, my complete anxiety when she got married and "left me behind") but I don't think it had anything to do with being together in school--or even being twins, necessarily. Later we both ended up having issues with infertility and I'm not sure where I'd be today if she hadn't walked the road before me. She DID push me forward because of what I saw her accomplish and because of how I could rely on her. We now each have two kids.
Being twins is a very, very special privilege...and I agree with the anonymous poster, too!
Anon - Thanks for sharing that. When I meet an adult twin I always feel like I need to pick their brain for what worked and what didn't. I couldn't agree more than being a twin is a privilege and this idea in schools that it is a slight makes me so angry. Thanks again for your thoughts!
I am that original anon poster, and I was best friends with one half of a twin relationship in high school. They had a special relationship, which, I will say, did seem to stifle them in some aspects of their lives, especially when in came to addiction, but overall seemed to be beneficial. All close sibling relationships can stifle one another from time to time. Anyone who's ever cried over a sib's pain or been joyful at a sib's success or felt held hostage by a sib's bad choices can attribute to that.
We use the term "co-dependent" in this country as a negative thing. I guess it can be, but I find my "co-dependent" relationships (you know with my HUSBAND and SISTER and CHILD)to be the most fulfilling...so screw you American Psychological Association.
I didn't mean to be anonymous. I tried to post using my account first and it didn't let me...I've been reading you for a while, my own blog (about our surrogacy and then surprise pregnancy) is pretty much now defunct. :) I think I found you at first because we both used the same clinic. Anyway, I really enjoy reading about the girls. :)
And to further add to the twins should be together thing: If my sister and I had not been together through college, we would not have become best friends with another set of twins there, who we met on the very first day of college during a freshman orientation exercise. We are still super close to those twins today and one of them was our gestational surrogate. So see...you never know. :) Twins being together can even create miracles! :)
Tara - That is outstanding! How cool that one of those women became your surrogate!!! Gave me goosebumps. :D
Anon - I can see how any close sibling relationship would have positives and negatives. I think that is definitely the case with all relationships. Makes me nuts how much some people want to put a spotlight on twins just because they're twins.
Thanks for all the great feedback on this! I needed more "fuel to my fire" for our upcoming IEP and this has been great!
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