For so many women like me getting pregnant was more of an uphill climb than a roll in the hay. It took years and years, thousands of dollars and more heartbreak than I can find an appropriate word for. Throughout those years you have ample time to sit and think about what life is going to be like. You dream who your children will look like. You guess what kinds of personalities they will have. You plan the things you want to teach them and the trips you want to take them on.
There are parts of parenting that look a lot like the movie reel I used to play in my head. There are other parts that break your heart. When you have to watch them fall. When they have a problem you can't fix. When something comes a lot harder for them than other kids. When they are sick. When they start growing up and they don't always want to hold your hand. Sometimes parenting truly can hurt.
Thankfully the good usually balances out the bad. Not every day but overall. Sometimes I sit and watch one of my girls struggle. Either Abby can't interact in a group of kids. Or Grace's sensory system is out of whack and she can't get herself to stop crying. In those moments you feel like something you lost a small piece of how it was supposed to be. Like it's not fair that it didn't turn out perfect.
I used to say when I was trying to conceive that God was making me wait because he was creating the perfect child(ren) for me. Perfect certainly doesn't look like I though it would. What I didn't realize was how right I was. ;D
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2 comments:
It's so unbelievably hard when it doesn't *go* the way you expect. For me, the struggle was always magnified during my pregnancies (obviously).
I know. Talk about how to completely eliminate the draw of pregnancy and having more kids. HE will definitely stifle the urge. Definitely takes a lot away from it.
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