Bittersweet

Mothers day for me is always such a mixed bag of emotions. The obvious side is spending the day with my mother and my daughters. Getting to be celebrated as a mother. Having a (semi) "day-off" from housework and cooking. It makes for such a nice day.

The less obvious side is the years of struggling I did on that day. For the years that we battled infertility Mother's Day was an unwanted reminder of all that I didn't have. I felt so incredibly sad on that day for years. I went to breakfast with my mother and grandmother and wanted to cry into my coffee while I watched all of the mothers feeding their babies and wiping the faces of their toddlers. I wanted that so bad. I wanted to be a mother so bad. It hurt SO BAD.

Now when mothers day rolls around I find myself all over the map. I can't forget that pain. I can't forget the fact that there are so many women out there who are going to have a horrible day because they are not yet mothers. I can't forget wanting to crawl in my bed into a ball and cry.

This year I vow to hug my girls extra tight. I want to remember how hard I fought to be their mother. I will not allow myself to forget the cost. I don't ever want to take it for granted.

So for those of you who are mothers or long to become mothers or will someday be mothers I wish you the happiest of days. I wish that none of you will want to crawl into your bed and cry. I pray that you will be surrounded by people who love and cherish you.

Happy Mother's Day!