The two week wait

For those of us who have lived with fertility issues one of the worst parts about the whole process is the two week wait (tww). It's the time in between either ovulation or a procedure (IUI or IVF) and your pregnancy test. For me they have always been painful. I guess in the beginning they felt more hopeful. I could spend the tww thinking of how I would decorate a nursery and the moment I met my baby. As time went on it became a time of torture. Every day spent considering every twinge and cramp and ache. Was it a sign? Was it the beginning of the end? As the end of the tww draws closer you begin having the conversation with yourself over whether you should wait for the beta or test at home.

Now I find myself in the tww AGAIN. I have done this dance so many times I can't even count. It's different now. I have kids. The desperation is nowhere near what it was. But it's still so hard. Every time I forget that I can't bend down and I catch myself I wonder if that's the moment I did myself in. I am days and days away from finding out and I can already feel the conversation beginning. DO I test at home? Do I have the patience to wait? Was my two days of bed rest enough? Did I lay still enough? Can I avoid picking up the girls or bending to pick up their toys for at least two weeks?

It's going to be a long TWW...