Answers or confusion?

Today I heard from the pregnancy nurse at the clinic about yesterdays blood draw. Of course I wasn't available to talk to the nurse so I got the usual two second message with nothing but numbers. No answers. No interpretation. Nothing. Just numbers. She called and told me my HCG was at 10,435, Progesterone at 35.2 and E2 at 284. SO all of my numbers are low. The most concerning is the HCG. On average HCG levels (for a singleton) at this point average 29,110 with a range of 19,910-43,220. I am only at 10,435 with two babies. So it doesn't look that great. Top it off with both babies measuring a little behind (5 weeks, 4 days at the 6 week, 3 days ultrasound), one baby lagging way behind, the lack of pregnancy symptoms and now the low numbers... not great.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. You can have terrible numbers and things look bleak and have a healthy baby OR you can have a baby that looks fine that suddenly stops growing. It's certainly not an exact science. However, we have been around the block enough to know that when things don't look good there is usually a reason.

I have had pretty awful cramps for the past day (no bleeding) so who the heck knows. I am scheduled for another round of blood work and another ultrasound next wednesday (at 7 weeks 3 days) so hopefully we can start get a clearer picture of what is going on in there.

I guess in the midst of all of this muddiness one thing has become very clear. I am incredibly lucky to have my daughters. I don't think I could handle this potential loss without knowing that I still get to be there mom no matter what happens. I still have two beautiful daughters and that is what is most important right now.

So it's in God's hands. He'll show us in time.